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Swirling with Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

An Open Letter to Light Skinned "Sisters" Who Bash Dark Girls for Swirling

Posted by Christelyn, 29 Aug

Dear Light-Skinned-Pro-Black-Nothing-Butta-Brotha-For-Me Women,

I need to ask you a favor. I’ve noticed lately in social media a lot of posts and videos with light skinned, silky-haired black(ish) women shaming darker hued black women for finding love interracial dating. You are called us “traitors to our race, sell-outs and bed wenches.” You seem more angry than the men about it. Why, though?

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As a black woman, it’s VERY easy to be pro-black man dating ONLY when you are light skinned, with long wavy or curly hair. The most pro-black women I’ve ever seen in my life fit this bill, because they almost ALWAYS are favored over “regular” black looking women like me.

It’s one of the reasons I started dating interracially. If I hadn’t, I would have had a much harder time finding a mate of quality because I’d be contending with a bunch of colorist, shallow folks who like to ignore the rampant, hurtful and damaging effects of JUDGING ME FOR THE COLOR OF MY SKIN. Folks want to act like it doesn’t exist, but those who aren’t on the receiving end of that privilege know it is. I have three girls and two of them are biracial, I have taught them from birth that beauty comes in all shades. My husband’s family never understood this color hierarchy (ironically), but in my family, I’ve had to carefully navigate them around people who would put this toxic mess in their heads.

I’m continuing to tell dark black women to stop competing in a game they can not win. No shade (pun intended) against my light skinned sisters, but I can’t stand when some judge darker skinned black women like me and accuse them of “betraying the race” by dating and marrying interracially when you know DAMN WELL your experiences differ greatly from mine. Don’t you dare judge us for going where we’re celebrated. And that’s why you STAY where you are, because you KNOW you’re in the #1 spot for colorist, pro-black, hypocritical zombies.

Do you decry us in interracial unions because you fear that if too many leave you won’t have enough of us to feel superior to? Please, help me understand why you refuse to acknowledge this dynamic. You’re as bad as those who deny white privilege. Eh. Guess it’s just easier to call us bed wenches and the white man’s whore. Never mind it was a white man’s daughter that probably (willingly) aided in creating you so you could even exist to judge us.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who (Proudly) Swirls

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

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25 responses to "An Open Letter to Light Skinned "Sisters" Who Bash Dark Girls for Swirling"

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  1.   Ruth116 says:
    Posted: 19 Apr 21

    I'm light-skinned, but have never bashed dark-skinned BW for dating/marrying WM. I say to them, GO FOR IT! You'll be glad you did.

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  2.   Bell601 says:
    Posted: 19 Mar 20

    If you do not understsnd white supremacy what it is how it it works then everythng you understsnd will only confuse you. Neely Fuller jnr.

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  3.   WM4Ebony says:
    Posted: 16 May 19

    I tend to have a serious affinity toward darker-skinned women. Although race doesn't enter into the equation.....attraction does however......I find dark-skinned women very alluring?....attractive?.....gravitating?......however you want to describe it.......I too love a curvy body too.....but I also appreciate a slender body......If a woman's physical characteristics speak to me then I'm all in......

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  4.   nawen says:
    Posted: 25 Aug 18

    Wheather you're black, white,chocolate, green any of the colors we are all having one blood colour and for me am proud of dark skinned color because black is beauty and it's expensive to maintain( NB) member s have you ever heard of cream or Vaseline which turns white to black? .that s never because it's naturally.

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  5.   MULUMBENJI says:
    Posted: 15 Aug 18

    You go Girl!!! Preach and be the truth teller that is needed...proud to be wanted by a white guy and loving him loving me!! #swirlingisthenewvibe!!

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  6.   gabby52 says:
    Posted: 31 Dec 17

    Its called the English class system, its with every race in the USA.The whiter the skin the higher up the chain in life.It affects all races.

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  7.   Curly3 says:
    Posted: 08 Oct 17

    Why oh why is it a continuing theme that blacks attack other blacks. The author felt the need to attack mixed, light black girls blaming them for perceived injustice? It all just fuels racism and shows racism is still working well, just what racists want.

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    • RoseOnHoney says:
      Posted: 17 Jul 18

      No. The author of this article was addressing a very real problem within our community, if you don’t know about this problem or haven’t brushed up against it yourself then I suggest you keep your opinion to yourself. You’ll never know what it’s like to be continuously labelled as not good enough, yet have the women who are seen as “good enough” judge us for daring to seek happiness elsewhere. This comment of yours is feeding the problem.

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    • NardiJMGirl says:
      Posted: 08 Dec 18

      Gas lighter much? This (sarcastic) reply of mine is directed at you, by the way.

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  8.   FmaleLedRshp says:
    Posted: 27 Sep 17

    It's more a widening of the dating pool for me, I didn't go white because of black men. But having matured, the black male by virtue of his general lifestyle choices is a harder sell for me.

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    • Curly3 says:
      Posted: 08 Oct 17

      Generalisation again. "The black male" to label all black men "by virtue of his general lifestyle choices"

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  9.   Curly3 says:
    Posted: 18 Sep 17

    Not really true or fair no debate If my inoffensive comment is deleted immediately. So that's why you 'moderate' to filter out comments you don't like.

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  10.   Curly3 says:
    Posted: 18 Sep 17

    Swirling, what does that mean ?

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  11.   Curly3 says:
    Posted: 18 Sep 17

    I made my comment 1 week ago either your blog is not looked at.... or .....you me anyone who says true words , hard to argue. To be fair I like debate to listen to others and think about but no one is on here lol like connected dating site, joke.

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  12.   Curly3 says:
    Posted: 11 Sep 17

    I'm a light skinned mixed race woman and although you raise some good points you shouldn't generalise. I Would never judge another woman based on colour of skin and in no way do I think I am superior. In my opinion the problem is black men. I despair over the way many seem completely brainwashed and believe white or light is better.

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  13.   Walligator says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 17

    Life is short...true love is forever. If you're blessed to find true love...grab it. Too many people never find it, because they want to dictate the terms of it. If you find someone who reciprocates communication,respect,trust,joy and humor....hold on to it.

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  14.   blackbelle01 says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 17

    I wish people would just mind their own business. I enjoy dating outside of my race and I don't have to explain myself to anyone. I have always did what I felt was right for me and I have never allowed anyone to dictate who I should date or marry. I was brought up to be an individual and to live my life with integrity and character and to seek out people who are like minded regardless of their race.

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  15.   Gdluckcharm says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 17

    I love all your comments. Everything you've said is true. I live in a prejudice area, but I'm treated better by white men than I am by black men. As "Blueice5445" stated, it's how you click.

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  16.   Ladylove1147 says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 17

    I am a dark skin and very comfortable in my skin. Which wasnt alway so when growing up. But now I look at all women if color and think we are all BEAUTIFUL. When it some to dating i have found that i mesh better in an interracial relationship. Its not a bad thing by any means. One should NEVER see color only character. We all bleed red at the end of it all. Happiness is color blind!

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  17.   Sapphirem38 says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 17

    Why is this even still an issue or topic up for discussion today in 2017? Be happy, be you, love the skin you're in and those who are different. In the end we're all humans and our blood is red which runs through our veins. Enough with giving this inter-related self hatred among black folk air time. Time for this light vs darker hue self inflicted issue to die once and for all.

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  18.   Paganinifan says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 17

    For anyone to have bad things to say in regards to what race of people we're attracted to is asinine. No one complains about the men who prefer BLONDE haired women. It's easy to dye your hair to please those idiots. No one complains about the men who like big boobs and big butts; Women of all races are going out of their way to GAIN WEIGHT for those idiots, too. But admit to being attracted to someone of a different race and suddenly all hell breaks loose on both sides. If anyone calls a black woman a "bed wench" for a white man, then what is a black woman with FAKE blonde weave and a big butt to her BLACK man? A sex toy. A sex object. A bed wench! Plain and simple.

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  19.   Blueice5445 says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 17

    I'm a brown skinned woman and I could careless what any one says or thinks. I enjoy dating white men and will continue to do so. Get a life people, it's not about the color it's just who I click with.

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    • digbug says:
      Posted: 31 Aug 17

      There are some people that find it hard to accept black women and white men, and i would like to give a possible reason,since black people have been coming here since the 50's it was normal for a black man to have relationships with white women but not the other way round, when i was a child in the 70's I cant remember one such relationship and i only ever knew one mixed race couple(black man white women), i think the reason some don't like it is simply because they are not used to it that's all, my sister married a white man, it took a bit of getting used to, as a brother i don't care what race my sisters date as long as they treat her right, love is not black or white its a feeling, if someone will only date a certain race because some people disagree, they are only hurting themselves and missing out on what could be a good relationshhip.

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