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Swirling with Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

Black Women, Your Pain Only Matters When a White Man Hurts You

Posted by Christelyn, 24 Jan

“No! Stop! Help Me! Please Help Me!”

Those were the words I heard when viewing a video in which someone conducted a Facebook Live of a woman appearing to be drugged and a man forcibly raping her in a club for all to see.

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I don’t need to know the details of what happened before the video started rolling. What I saw was a black woman in clear distress calling for help while a man imposed himself on her. Unless this event was completely simulated to outrage or (for some) entertain us, somebody should have been arrested. To date, I have seen no update.

On the heels of the jaw-dropping Surviving R Kelly docuseries that aired on Lifetime earlier this month and people wondering how such horrors could have happened so long without the R & B piece of filth having virtually no consequences, I can’t say I’m surprised that a young black woman was raped in a public place while everyone stood around and did nothing but record the event for Media Take Out.

Oh…and did you read about the four black boys that were arrested for dragging a girl and gang-raping her? You probably didn’t. It wasn’t three white boys so it wasn’t all that exciting. Anyone who lives on the periphery of the black community and knows its customs and values realizes that these incidents are not uncommon. And when they do occur, little fanfare is given unless a white man is a victimizer. Then, everyone wants justice. Then there is marching in the streets and thought pieces about the horror of white supremacy and how every single white person in the world is racist.

Remember Jazmine Barnes, the seven-year-old girl who was shot while in the car with her mother, who had first reported that the perpetrator had been a white man in a red pickup truck? The black community galvanized. Ancient black leaders rose from their crypts to hold press conferences demanding that the police find the man who committed these horrible crimes. The black sector of Twitter and YouTube gleefully announce the fabled race war was beginning and the “white supremacist terrorists” were now attacking women and girls. When it was discovered that the real perpetrators of this murder where two black men, the deflation of the racial-rousing activists was nearly audible. Everyone went back to their corners and sulked because when black girls are victimized by members of their own community it’s only a Tuesday. Wednesday. Everyday.

The dejected response that the perpetrator wasn’t a “white supremacist terrorist” but rather, a typical, run-of-the-mill black, male terrorist is because of one thing and one thing only: Black men continue to fight a war by proxy with white men. They simply can’t or won’t collectively compete with men the typical way men do—by building bigger, making the most, collecting the best, owning the most etc., so when anything happens to a black girl or woman and the perpetrator is a white man, all the mechanisms in place to “fight the good fight” are primed, greased, and ready to go full throttle. It’s the only war they have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning. The black community has absolutely no motivation to collectively do what is necessary to reign in the real source of danger innocent black girls and women face. They would rather you believe that the biggest source of your fear should be the white man when statistics and life experiences tell us otherwise.

What I have discovered through the repeated stories I see on my news feed about black women being beaten, raped, maimed and murdered is that no one really cares enough to do what is necessary to turn this around, because at the center of all the violence is the black male, whom the community has a blood oath to protect against “the evil white man.” So next time, if it’s your daughter being filmed for entertainment while being sexually assaulted by a black man, don’t expect many people to care. In fact, almost always, she will be blamed for not dressing like a nun to go to a club, or twerking too much when she knows damn well she’s just asking for that dude to run up in her. Don’t expect these atrocities and the (non) reaction thereof to change in your lifetime.

Now it’s up to you to ask yourself how much you believe YOU are worth. How excited are YOU to become cannon fodder for an un-winnable war that has little or nothing to do with you in the first place? How attached should YOU be to a community that is only outraged at crimes against you when others outside the community do it? When will YOU have enough?

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

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19 responses to "Black Women, Your Pain Only Matters When a White Man Hurts You"

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  1.   fearlesscrus says:
    Posted: 08 Apr 19

    Can't we get statements from the black leaders who reversed gears? Ask them why it was suddenly okay with them when black women & girls are raped? They act like they do, because we don't hold them accountable.

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  2.   sonatarctica says:
    Posted: 22 Mar 19

    media lynching of the white high school maga smirkers was on like donkey kong... until the truth came out.... then... all quiet on the western front oops

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  3.   Pleezu2 says:
    Posted: 25 Feb 19

    Yup Christelyn, certainly plain enough to see why this "could" be so. I think this possibly comes about when we are unable (or unwilling) to put ourselves in the other person's shoes. OR the obsession to ALWAYS prove oneself RIGHT and the other WRONG...... Life is still a game, though. And we need constant reminding of that fact, otherwise we do tend to lose perspective from the bigger view, right? ML, Calvin.

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  4.   nawen says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 19

    Correctly yeah it's like that because some of black men's hearts are different for those of white guys most of white guys their love comes from the of their hearts and when he hurts you after short time he realises his mistake And at least he can say sorry immediately

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  5.   blackbelle01 says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 19

    This is so true. If a WM had did what R Kelly did to those young girls. Al Sharpton, BLM and everyone in the so called hypocritical Black Community would have calling for his head on a platter.

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  6.   lovely816 says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 19

    Everything Christelyn Karazin says can be accurate and it does not change the fact that America is a racist society. It doesn't erase that white privilege is a thing and systemic oppression and racism exists. I hope all readers understand that as well. Black women are the most unprotected class in American society. Our community doesn't protect as we should but neither does the larger society (including white men). So if you think dating a white man is going to guarantee protection, you might be disappointed. We have to protect ourselves on all fronts. And dating a white man doesn't guarantee that you will be treated better either.

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    • blackbelle01 says:
      Posted: 05 Jun 19

      What are you talking about? You sound like a typical mammie. BM don't protect BW and somehow its the White man's fault? BM are murdering and raping BW every day and its because of White supremacy? You are delusional if you believe that BM do not commit these crimes on their own.

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      • Behappy2018 says:
        Posted: 28 Jul 19

        Amen

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      • Ruth116 says:
        Posted: 10 Apr 21

        BM's are only protective of their Mamas. Wives/girlfriends, daughters and sisters are fair game, but don't ever talk about BM's Mamas. It'll get one beaten up, (like Rhianna by Chris Brown) or even killed. It's one of the reasons why I don't want to marry a BM. It's likely that he'll refuse to cut his mother's apron strings.

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  7.   Nachtigal says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 19

    I agree with everything in this article. There is a TON of video evidence, depicting violence against "black" women, perpetrated by "black" men, but nary an arrest is made. It sickens me, to the pit of my stomach, that such a horrendous act no only happened, but that it is VIRAL (meaning that with every share, a vote is being perceivably cast, that this is the kind of "content" the general public wants to see). A WOMAN WAS SEXUALLY VIOLATED IN PLAIN SIGHT OF A CROWD OF PEOPLE, and no one lifted a finger, except to press record on their phones. I'm officially ready to move to another planet. Seems I have no protection from Earth-lings... #heartbroken

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  8.   lovingstar says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 19

    Christelyn Karazin accurately highlights the systemic problems within the African American community. Black male violence against black women and girls is largely ignored by black community leaders. The black community activism only kicks in when there is a white male victimizer as Christelyn points out. At the end of the day, African American women and girls have NO advocates from black community leaders especially when a black male victimizer is involved (e.g., Bill Cosby, R. Kelly) and it is a crying shame.

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    • blackbelle01 says:
      Posted: 13 Feb 21

      Christelyn Karazin is right on point with this article. Thank you CK for always bringing insight and speaking the truth

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    • blackbelle01 says:
      Posted: 13 Feb 21

      Christelyn Karazin is right on point with this article. Thank you CK for always bringing insight and speaking the truth

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  9.   Byuma2019 says:
    Posted: 25 Jan 19

    What this all about?I have allergy of reading.

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  10.   JonnyReggae says:
    Posted: 25 Jan 19

    There are a lot of generalisations in this article. Can you be accurate when it comes to describing various people. There is bad in a minority of people in all walks of life, whilst I see some of your point in regards to the black communities being up in arms in certain cases, it’s exactly the same in white communities too. In some Asian communities people are killed before going to any trial. I think the title of your piece is a bit hypocritical as you’re showing links about the various crimes being committed. If you’re talking about national or world wide coverage, you won’t see this as it’s a majority of white editors controlling the news. If you feel that news of black violence isn’t reflected to how you see it, create or promote the black communities to start writing their own papers, magazines or websites.

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  11.   dodgethis2k says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 19

    If I wrote this column, I would be called a racist, a Nazi or (their new favorite) a white nationalist. I respect everyone until they give me a reason not to, and that includes the women I've dated, several of whom were not white.

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  12.   Paganinifan says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 19

    EXCELLENT ARTICLE!! You are spot on here. Unfortunately, if you were to try to be a black female leader and talk about these issues publicly, your own black community would call you a "coon". Everything you touched on is literally right in front of their faces yet they choose to live in denial. And I blame a majority of the problems within the black community on LIBERALS. Period.

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