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Swirling with Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

How Middle-Aged Black Women Can WIN at Interracial Dating

Posted by Christelyn, 12 Oct

Dating at mid-life doesn’t have to completely suck, especially if you are aware of which market you should be shopping and have a grasp of the competition. Being a middle-aged black woman in the interracial dating market definitely has its perks if you work on building up your assets.

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The Pros

Black women age more slowly. It’s a scientific fact. We don’t just have emotional “thick skin,” we have LITERAL thick skin. That combined with a higher melanin content allows for a slower aging process that puts us in the slow-aging game by about a decade. This has it’s obvious advantages when you’re competing with other 50 year-olds or other races. You’ll have the wisdom that comes with age but not the wrinkles!

Dating in midlife also means you’re less likely to encounter the silly games and waiting around for years and years for an engagement like younger people. If you’ve been dating a seasoned man for six months and marriage hasn’t been discussed, move on. Men that age usually know what they want pretty early.

Non-black men in their 40’s and above tend to be more settled financially and in their careers, and therefore have resources to pool with yours. The both of you can build on the wealth you both have. No scrubs, umkay? Men of that age are also less concerned about what other people think and you don’t have to worry about his parents disinheriting him for dating a black girl.

Kids are also often less of a problem. At this age, the man’s kids are grown or nearly grown so there’s less stress about bonding a blended family.

The Challenges

Black women do have the anti-aging advantage, but this gets significantly reduced if our weight is out of control. It’s important to keep fit, eat clean and healthfully, and manage your stress. Unfortunately, I’ve seen too many black women automatically disqualify themselves from mastering the dating game because of obesity. Now that’s not to say big girls don’t find interracial love–they do! But it’s important to be honest with yourself about your prospects…the more the weight, the smaller pool of men who will appreciate it.

Give Up Racial Hangups

If you were born during the tumultuous 50’s and 60’s, chances are you’ve had conflicting feelings about interracial dating–especially when it comes to white men. I can’t tell you how many times a woman told me her father, uncle or brother warned her to never bring home “a cracker.” No doubt the horrible scenes of black people being sprayed with high-powered water hoses, churches blowing up, civil rights activists assassinated and so much worse, it might be harder for an older woman to reconcile the pain of the past with the potential pleasure she might feel being with a quality man who happens to have been born white. Just like we don’t want to be judged by stereotypes, we cannot then judge people who were children watching those horrors just like you were, and were powerless to do anything.

Get Comfortable in Mixed Company

f you’re trying to get comfortable with the idea of interracial dating, you’re going to have to get cozy interracially socializing. You’ll have to get out of your black-blackedy-black comfort zone and venture out into venues with more mixed company present. And if you land a guy interested in you enough that he wants to introduce you to his friends, you’re going to have to float like a pretty little butterfly. The more expert you work a room and charm his friends and family, the closer he’ll get to wanting to put a ring on it. If this is your concern, then you DEFINITELY need to get The Pink Pill course and join our private group. We eat this subject for lunch!

Get Out of Church and Go Online!

If you think you’re going to find your non-black husband in your all-black church or heck–ANY CHURCH–you are sorely mistaken. Simply put, most single men don’t go to church. They’re watching football! You can drag him to church and make him miss the playoffs after you guys get hitched. Or…you can stay home in bed and watch football with your new honey.

Speaking of honey…you’ll have a sweeter pot looking online. This mode is often easier for people from differing cultures to connect on a social and emotional level with a lesser degree of anxiety and self-consciousness. Your choices are also exponentially higher. Get some amazing photos and a short and sweet summary paragraph about yourself throw out that fishing line. Sure; you’ll get some old shoes you’ll have to throw back, but the better the bait, the higher the chance of catching a whale. If you’re uneasy about online dating, you might want to look into taking this course.

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.