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QOTW: Black Girl Wondering If The Guy She Met Online Is Really Attracted to Her

Posted by Christelyn, 11 Apr

This week I got a question from a black woman who has just met this man online. He tells her she is beautiful and she believes it. The other day, she asked him to describe the physical features he finds attractive in a woman. Well the description was a white woman – straight hair, blue eyes… So she is wondering if he really finds her attractive or is just telling her what he thinks she wants to hear.

Girl doesn’t want to waste time on guy if he isn’t really attracted to her physically because much as they connect on so many other levels, she believes physical/sexual attraction is important for any relationship to thrive.

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Here is the full question:

"My name is *****, I will cut to the chase. I am currently talking to a white guy I met online. He seems nice and we are vibing and connecting. I am trying to get a feel for whether he is genuinely attracted to me physically. He has called me beautiful many times and I don’t have a hard time believing him because I know I am pretty. What I am concerned about is each individual has an ideal of what he or she finds attractive, physically and personality-wise. But I am talking about physical attractiveness right now. I asked him what is an example of someone he finds attractive. He said his first ever girlfriend from high school who obviously is a white girl, lol. And concerning in another way is that he sent me a picture of her, rather quickly. Which may be a sign of another issue altogether that he might not be over her. But that’s another topic for me to discuss with a friend later.

Anyway, now my concern and thoughts are, “If this is what he finds attractive, i.e. straight long hair, thin lips, light skin, blue eyes does he genuinely think I’m pretty?” And he said his celebrity crush is Jessica freaking Alba. Who is hecka pretty but I am no where near Latina looking, lol. Also, he is tall, 6’2” and apparently has dated tall women in the past, I’m 5’6”, slim and have a small frame. Although he said he likes small women, is he saying what he thinks I want to hear?

So yeah, I don’t want to waste my time with this guy if I’m not someone he’d actually find physically attractive. But then, why contact me if he doesn’t? Ugh. You should also know I haven’t asked him yet whether he’s ever talked to/dated a black woman before. I probably should do that soon…. So I guess my question is am I overthinking this or should I continue to probe him to determine whether or not I am somewhere in line with what he finds attractive? And if so, how do I go about it without making it awkward or uncomfortable? Also, I don’t know if this is relevant but he isn’t the type of guy I would usually find attractive physically, he’s a little chubby but is handsome though don’t get me wrong. He has a beard and green eyes, yes, I love beards. Anyways, but we connect so much in terms of our goals, what we’re looking for in a relationship and he’s easy to talk to. So I overlooked that because I value those things more than looks. Although physical/sexual attraction is important.

Sorry about the rant, I am just spilling my thoughts and wanted to be thorough so you understood the situation fully. Btw, I actually have an acquaintance, an older lady who is dating a white man, he’s Irish. She told me he’d never dated a black woman before. Maybe I should call her and ask her about this.

If you read this far, lol, thank you for your time. If you are able to respond to my question I would really appreciate it."

Here is my take.

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6 responses to " QOTW: Black Girl Wondering If The Guy She Met Online Is Really Attracted to Her"

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  1.   lover2bo says:
    Posted: 19 Sep 16

    please help me cos i need a white lady to marry

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  2.   blackbelle01 says:
    Posted: 10 Aug 16

    What she has to understand is that it is not normal for a person to not be attracted to their own race. I dated one WM that said he was only attracted to BW and it was a horrible I will have to share more with you later,. I like WM but I also like BM and I am open to any one that is a good man. Race does not define a person their character does. He can like WW which is normal for him to do so and like you too. I would rather date him than a guy that only dates outside of their race because believe me some of those guys have some serious issues,

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  3.   Acra says:
    Posted: 29 Jul 16

    He's confused He doesn't know what he wants or he may be still in to his ex

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  4.   coolskate says:
    Posted: 05 May 16

    In my case I like blond white girls but o go from one extreme to the other I'm not keen on the girls in between I like black girls with dark skin but not bothered bout mixed race or Asian is so of s black and white thing but the in between doesn't interest me

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  5.   NYGriego says:
    Posted: 25 Apr 16

    She's worried about him sending a HS gf rather quick (which is indeed weird) but how did she start off the letter? "My name is *****, I will cut to the chase. I am currently talking to a white guy I met online. He seems nice and we are vibing and connecting." She could have said I'm talking to this nice guy, who happens to be white, and we are vibing. But instead she made it about race in under 5 seconds? She says later on "If this is what he finds attractive, i.e. straight long hair, thin lips, light skin, blue eyes does he genuinely think I’m pretty?” She sounds very insecure about "swirling." Maybe she should talk to the old lady herself about her feelings?

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    • psg1488 says:
      Posted: 09 Jun 16

      Well since this IS an interracial dating website, it seems perfectly normal for her to have mentioned the race of the person that she was dating. He could have been Latino, Asian, Indian, or any other ethnicity. Her pointing out his ethnicity was not her making this about race. It was explaining who he was in relation to herself. Nothing more. Nothing less.

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