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Swirling with Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

Who Would Sacrifice Their Interracial Relationship for Black Issues?

Posted by Christelyn, 05 Oct

I received a desperate note from a fan on our Facebook fan page, on the heels of the embarrassing Black Love interview with a woman who proclaimed alliance to black people and discouraged other people away from interracial relationships. Here’s what it said:

"Hello I just wanted to message you and ask your thoughts about a couple of things. Growing up in Watonga Oklahoma a very diverse town I always found myself crazy about white guys I mean physically just crazy about them I got older dated mainly white guys the white chocolate kind just the way I liked them. I ended up marrying one from southern Missouri completely opposite. I was constantly surrounded by white people so much so I started to think like them and everything but the whole time I hated seeing black guys with white girls omg it drove me nuts I hated white girls and I hated the black men we dated them only because I myself felt abandoned by the black men so I hardened my self toward them even toward the ones who really liked me. So here I am today wanting to stand by my black men because the times we live in today. More than any time before did the black men need the black women they need us now. And I just don’t think its a good idea to completely stop loving the black men. I’m not even sure if this makes any sense at all I just know what I feel in my heart and I know that black guys need us, black women, more than ever now. We are stronger together than apart."

My Reply:

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I’m not sure why you feel like your romantic/sexual preferences have anything to do with having empathy for black men. Emotional and practical support isn’t enough? They have to have your body and heart too?

I hear ya. I think its just so much going on in the world even today I feel like I’ve been going off on people because they got the nerves to tell black people we are unamerican for real. I talk to my husband he stands by me and agree and feels like I do but I let him know that I don’t want him to choose because of me we talk about all this but it is hard. Every white person who says blacks are unAmerican because of this kneeling stuff being disrespectful to the military men and women of this country I always say go ask a black veteran how they feel about it. And I get it doesn’t matter, they choose to be oblivious to the truth

Here’s what I was thinking:

Wait a minute. You talk to your husband, the man you have children with, ALL the time about this? Are there no household issues to discuss? No conversations about the children’s schooling and future? No couples dates? You talk about racism…ALL THE TIME?!

God…aren’t you sick of it yet? You’ve been asked for half a century to put your own needs aside for the good of “the community” that it doesn’t even OCCUR to you that you have a one-sided obsession?!

Attention non-black men: If you date a black woman who HATES white women, drop her.

If you’re dating a woman who questions her relationship with YOU because of Colin Kaepernick or some other unknown black man, drop her.

In both cases, the black woman you’re dating has too many deep seeded issues about race and inferiority, while still feeling the need to be a sacrifice for the black community. Black girls and women are being raped, abused, maligned, and killed every single day and what are we talking about 24 hours, seven days a week? Outrage that our Cheeto of a president called for a mixed race man making millions of dollars a “son of a bitch.”

The media also has its role, because they feed into the outrage and obsession because race is a hot button. CNN is on a constant loop of football players and sports commentators talking about knees and Afros ad infinitum while the people of Puerto Rico face the zombie apocalypse. (Many Puerto Ricans are Afro-Latinos, but…I guess that’s just whatever…right? Let’s get back to the NFL!) Make no mistake–this issue of race discussion in the media and in the black community is only meaningful when you are black and male. How long did it take for everyone to move on from the poor young black girl who was found dead in the freezer?

I thought so.

Unfortunately, black women like the woman who wrote me have also bought into the idea that black girls and women are less important and less worth saving than black men, and lonely are the few that actually acknowledge this.

Black Women, You Can’t Walk and Chew Gum..WHY?!

I want to shift for a second and talk to the black women reading this. If you’re so outraged by what I’m saying in this post, know that when I’m telling non-black men to not date these types of women, know that I’m talking about YOU. If you are so invested in sacrificing your entire being for the causes of black men don’t punish someone with your issues. Stay in your lane. Find a black man and be happy. There are black women out here who actually are open to dating interracially, and don’t have to be dragged kicking and screaming. If you can’t walk and chew gum at the same time, move aside.

This is a good time to mention that I’ll be covering this issue is great detail in an upcoming PRIVATE series for non-black men interested in dating black women, and the types to avoid. This event won’t be public, so if you’re interested, sign up for the mailing list here.

Black ladies, while you’re confused about leaving your loving husbands to once again join a march and hate Whitey, women like me will be working with their significant others doing meaningful things that really make a difference like sending money to hurricane victims, starting organizations for the benefit of black girls and women, and understanding that allies can come in all races, cultures, and creeds.

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

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14 responses to "Who Would Sacrifice Their Interracial Relationship for Black Issues?"

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  1.   LeoRisen says:
    Posted: 23 Dec 19

    Why am I required to love white women? I am not dating THEM.

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  2.   Brunsugah says:
    Posted: 26 Jan 19

    I dated someone who said he wasn’t interested in any ‘black issues’ and didn’t care about increased racist attacks. This is a no go for me because I see it ultimately about you not caring about me and my family. I might love you but that attitude is not for me.

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  3.   blackbelle01 says:
    Posted: 14 Oct 17

    No, I would never sacrifice my relationship especially if I was married. Would BM or sacrifice their interracial relationship for Black Issues? I think the answer would be no. If you love someone you love them plain and simple.

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  4.   71corvette says:
    Posted: 09 Oct 17

    There is no such thing in heaven as race so on this earth people need to look at a persons heart and soul not the exterior package that they came in. In the next life if you hate black people then you will be black and vise versa. If your a man and you treat woman badly then in the next life you will be a woman. Judge not lest ye be judged

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  5.   71corvette says:
    Posted: 09 Oct 17

    If a woman is going to be hung up on race to begin with I won't date them.. life isn't about what color you are you make your life about what color you are because of society. Be yourself and stop worrying about what the world thinks

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    • reallycute says:
      Posted: 15 Oct 17

      It's not the world, it's what we have been raised to think and believe. When a black woman decides to think outside of the womb then she has truly opened herself up to love for love and not for inner racial programing. It's difficult even in 2017 we still are stared at for the choices we make of a mate even if he's of the same race. It takes a strong black woman such as myself to make a statement without words (he is my choice and I don't give a damn what you think).

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  6.   jaggers1 says:
    Posted: 09 Oct 17

    I enjoyed the article for the most part but have an issue with 2 things said. 1st the POTUS did not call a mixed race man (Colin) a son of a bitch. The president said if players continue to kneel then get that son of a bitch off the field or fire them. Colin has no team and did not have a team when the POTUS said that so let's get that story straight. 2nd is calling the POTUS a " cheeto of a president "is disrespectful in its own accord. You may not like him or his politics but you should respect the position he is in. I couldn't stand Obama but I never said a disrespectful thing about him cause of his position as the president . You lost all credibility with this article once you judged a man cause the color of his skin being orangish from fake tanning. That shows your bias to me. You could have easily said the president or POTUS but you had to make it about skin color and that shows me your lack of practice what you preach. Other than those 2 issues it is a decent article

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    • blackbelle01 says:
      Posted: 13 Oct 17

      What was it about Obama that you did not like? I bet you just love Trump don't you Ladies beware of any man on here that starts with I couldn't stand Obama I am from the South and most of these people are under cover racist.

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    • Coolms says:
      Posted: 22 Apr 19

      i agree

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  7.   xAllenx says:
    Posted: 08 Oct 17

    Best article I've read in awhile.

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  8.   Ocean5 says:
    Posted: 07 Oct 17

    It is ok if it applies to both side. Usually, that kind of article applies to one side only.

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  9.   Ocean5 says:
    Posted: 05 Oct 17

    should black men also drop white woman who HATES black women? I'm curious to hear your answer

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    • Blacksongbrd says:
      Posted: 06 Oct 17

      Yes! You shouldn't date anyone who hates any race or part of a race. It's insane to be in that type of relationship. Think about it. How would you feel to be dating a man and he hates your father or brother or son bc of their race. For all the females in your family he has nothing but love. Can you imagine how awkward that would be?

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