Why white men love the black woman
Ever wondered why some white guys, love black women so much?
It seems that being a white male and proclaiming your attraction to black women (not only sexually, but also romantically) may lead to a lot of controversial and dangerous things. Let’s leave the debate of why more black women may be opening themselves up to white guys. The main focus of this debate is: why some white guys are opening themselves to black women. Let’s concentrate on that.
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Most white males don’t feel like they are running short of white women to marry. White males just marry at high rates. So question is: Why black women? The thing is it will not be fair to bundle up black women as one since everyone is their own person… be it in appearance or personality.
However, one thing that a white male friend of mine said… and I let him get away with bundling it all up is: “We love a black woman's confidence, her tenacity and her undeniable achievements in the face of great adversity...᾿ Since this info was coming from a man, there was definitely the mention of the lips, the curves, and that wonderful skin as well.
So what about stereotypes like “black women are either sexually conservative or total sluts?" Many people give so much lip service to interracial dating sites. You would think they have never done it. But those uptight individuals are the ones that spread these stereotypes. What happened to the highly educated black woman? How about the caring, decent and involved black woman?
Probably most white guys and others are confused with the stereotypical trash people spread around and if you are one that falls for such lame ol’ lines, then you sure as hell haven’t dated a black woman.
Bottom line, you don't have to sacrifice who you are for a white guy. They will love you anyway. Just be you and open yourself up… and if you like white guys, some white guy will find you too.
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8087 responses to "Why white men love the black woman"
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serenity33 says:Posted: 18 Aug 10Wow. That showed amazing self-restraint,@markinnnh. It is a lovely story and amazing how you held yourself back when you had reason to let loose. I wish I had that kind of self-control while dating especially with all your skills!! With all your skill as a Green Beret you could have totally torn those people up that were giving you trouble for interracial dating!! Great story and a great inspiration in more than one way. Totally cool.:-) Joseph Moyer
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quirky1984 says:Posted: 18 Aug 10@markinnnh, that's such a nice story. I love the irony that neither one of you were doing anything interesting except shopping and found each other.
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markinnnh says:Posted: 18 Aug 10
I am 47 and 6ft 1 212 lbs (was blonde) shaved head blue eyes and had a mustache & goatee till my birthday August 10th when after approx 10 years decided to shave it off completely. She is black, very beautiful black hair she straitens every day. She is approximately 5"8 135 lbs and we love each other very much. When we first started dating there were a couple times when we were in restaurants that I noticed peoples reactions and it really made me want to knock some heads but I didn't. I am very good at containing my anger or ill feelings. (I meditate daily so as to keep any negative feelings from making me sick later), my mom held so much in and it caused her medical problems later in life.
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blm70 says:Posted: 17 Aug 10Liked the Scoff/Sarah 'how we met' story. Now *that* story gives insight to the question at hand. ~kev
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Lash says:Posted: 17 Aug 10
My wife and I are an interracial couple. We met in college some 30 plus years ago. Back then interracial dating was still socially taboo, but legalized by the supreme court. Yes we had family problems on both sides that caused extreme pressure on our relationship. We split up. We re- connected in 2004 via the internet I love her as much now as I did then. She is blonde, blue eyed, intelligent, caring, and just damned sexy. We are in california. I'm a college educated black man who loves her from head to toe and all the special places in between
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Twilight101 says:Posted: 17 Aug 10
@markinnnh, Would you mind telling us a little about you and your fiancee? Approximate ages, race, and where you live. Also, did you have any problem with your families accepting the relationship?
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markinnnh says:Posted: 17 Aug 10
OK my story: I was seven months out of a six year relationship, I had been drinking a bit more then usual but not getting drunk just socializing. I owned a home and almost lost it and on the 4th of March 2008 I was informed that I was accepted into a program to keep my home. I called my brother and we went out that night together. We met up with a female friend from our childhood and all three of us drank to much. Our friend slept at my house and I had to bring her home to the next state over after 3 hours sleep. Of course I was not in the best state of mind (hung over) so after dropping her off I headed home and took a wrong turn. I ended up at a small shopping mall and decided to go in and possibly buy something to eat and some Tylenol.I walked into the first store (Kmart) and was walking towards the meds section. As I was walking I seen this beautiful black woman walking towards me, apparently she she liked what she saw in me because she smiled from ear to beautiful ear I said hello and she stopped and we talked for a long time. I never asked her phone number I simply gave her one of my business cards (I am a wedding DJ) and told her 'If you ever want to go for dinner, lunch or just coffee give me a call and we can go from there. she smiled, took my card and said "I would really like that" That was the 5th of March 2008. Three days later she called me we met at the same mall and we went to dinner then dancing. she has seven kids most of them grown up and she worried that would scare me off but I am the middle child of 7 boys. By the way we are engaged no date set as of yet.
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serenity33 says:Posted: 16 Aug 10
Well we could have three stories going if Mark tells us about his girlfriend as well. I would like to hear about all three.:-) Joseph Moyer
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quirky1984 says:Posted: 16 Aug 10
I would love to read the rest of the Scoff/Sarah story if possible. It's so romantic, it helps to squelch my pessimism about dating!
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markinnnh says:Posted: 16 Aug 10
I am sorry for my part in going off the subject matter and I will try not to do it again. I wasn't trying to in the first place but I did help keep it going some. I am white and I do have a black girlfriend though. Mark
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serenity33 says:Posted: 16 Aug 10
Yeah, Scoff/Sarah-I hope those infiltrators determined to push a persona agenda get deleted as well. I talked to the moderator and they are in the process of removing those who won't stick to the topic as we speak. So hopefully things will get back on topic soon. I noticed some posts have been deleted already but they have hundreds upon hundreds of posts to check over as well as scammers who aren't who they say they are in their profiles and profiles to check to make sure they are appropriate so they are really busy. But they will get around to it when they can. They sounded overworked as it was by what they said. Here's hoping things go back to the normal topic.:-) Joseph Moyer
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Newawlunzguy says:Posted: 16 Aug 10@looking4life - no worries; friendly and I have developed a friendship, nothing more. We're both very busy, settled in our respective communities, and separated by far too many miles to consider anything beyond solid friendship. @Indyval - 'grats on finding a gentleman by 'expanding your horizon'. Many wishes for your relationship to blossom. @Scoff/Sarah - I, too, want to see a return to the subject matter. It seems we have a few infiltrators determined to push a personal agenda. I still say we need a "delete" button for those that won't stick to the topic.
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ChocolateLady says:Posted: 16 Aug 10
Happy Monday Morning to Each and Everyone. I have been reading and lurking just like Nawl. Congrats to you Indyl, I hope everything works out well for you and your new Bo. Scoff, people miss you and want to know how and why did you open your heart up to a little colored girl in the Deep South. Apparently, she remained there for many years because you married her later in life which is wonderful, and I know you are one happy man. We need our daily dose from you also. Let's bring this down a knotch and get back to the business of Why WM love BW. That's the #1 reason why we are here Correct? Love and Peace to All!!!
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serenity33 says:Posted: 16 Aug 10
Again that could be outargued Biblically, markinnnh if you take it in its proper context and unlike being a Green Beret killing machine, Jesus orders us to go out and preach the Gospel to everyone so I am glad you are not teaching others how to kill as I don't think Jesus would be too thrilled with that.;-) Take those verses and first do an inductive Bible study on it which requires a lot of time and then do an deductive Bible study which also takes lots of time and look things up in the original Greek and Hebrew like I was taught in Seminary and then you will have a better chance of understanding those verses and what it is that they really mean. And I am familiar with Green Beret. Our Seminary had the only Conscious Objector(pacifist) ever recorded from the Canadian military and he was a green beret and he told us all about it. Anyway, email me privately if you want to know more about it and lets stick to the topic. Thanks.:-) Joseph Moyer
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markinnnh says:Posted: 16 Aug 10
I will say first off that as a child I was involved with a christian church and they taught from the Bible and a few important things I remember are; (not exact words)Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment that you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure....& "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" And yet I am seeing quite a bit of this here. How about we attempt to teach each other instead of with our thoughts and ideals but from the Bible. I was a Green Beret for many years and I would never try to teach what I learned so instead I chose to try to learn more about what God intended for me. I do not argue or fight with anyone and God knows I can. ( by the way a green beret is actually a hat but to the civilians.....)
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looking4life says:Posted: 16 Aug 10
joseph it was only a point of interest and still is to me. i googled it regarding moses. after an incident regarding an egyptian beating a hebrew he left for midian. ordeal killing an egyptian he was given his second wife from a "priest" from "midian" which as i understand it is now arabia. and there was a reference after the "consecration" of the tabernacle where moses was spoken against because of his marriage to an "ethiopian" which has a history dating beyond 200b.c. if memory serves correct. either way the reference is there in wikipedia and it references are similar in the "bible" and "quran" and outlined in the "antiquities of the jews" i have not looked up joseph yet and i wont tonight. i have now acqire another piece of extraneous information but i found it interesting. @freindly thx it was kinda neat to know...lol
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serenity33 says:Posted: 16 Aug 10
"We may be certain that Moses never married a Negress. Remember that he was brought up In the Pharaoh’s palace as the adopted son of Pharaoh’s daughter. He was educated as an Egyptian of the royal family. The Egyptians considered the Negroes as mere wild animals, to be killed on sight. The son of royalty would not take a wife from the Negro Cush in Africa." This is a quote from online that matches everything in my Seminary books about Moses' wife and it also has to do with the Hebrew translation which gets complicated. But every Biblical Scholar that I have read has said something to the same effect and my ex who was a Bible major discussed that with me as well and she was taught that in an undergraduate Christian college. So don't argue with me, argue with the multitude of scholars that stated this. But that isn't the point of this topic and we don't need to go back to the Old Testament to see who married who to see that anyone should marry whomever they want when we have the two modern stories here so everyone focus on them and only the person who was wondering what race Moses and Joseph married need to be concerned with the last two blogs. Let's here more about the present day Black/white dating from these two shining examples of love in front of us.:-) Joseph Moyer
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serenity33 says:Posted: 16 Aug 10
Oh I forgot about the Joseph question. Here is a quote from online that backs up what scholars believe about Joseph's wife. Asenath, the daughter of Potiphar, priest of On. (The Bible doesn't really say a lot about her. You could read a fiction written about 250 BC called "Joseph and Asenath". Should be available on line.) The mention of Joseph's marriage to Asenath in the Book of Genesis is the subject of Joseph and Asenath, now classified among the Old Testament Pseudepigrapha. The pseudepigrapha and the Apocrypha are books that were written and not approved as authentic in the Canonical process of the Council of Trent or even today amongst biblical scholars so I would be careful when reading those books because they are proven to not be part of the real Christian Bible. These are just quotes from online and coincide with what is in my Seminary textbooks so don't attack me for them because I didn't write them. But there is no real proof that Joseph married a Black woman. But like I said, that doesn't matter. It is now that matters and just because Joseph and Moses didn't marry black women doesn't mean race should become an issue now. People should be able to marry whomever they want.:-) Joseph Moyer
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looking4life says:Posted: 16 Aug 10
@indyval congratulations and good luck and which state are you from?? @freindly moses and joseph...i never knew, learnin every day. i will look it up later thats interesting. i am not surprised though, but i am wondering speculation or fact? @scoff and sarah coast appears to be clear for ya its your time. the one thing we all seem to agree on is wanting more of your story...lets roll. @nawl bbbuuudddddyyy i was worried you were gone freindly was threatening to leave i thought she gotcha, poor you though that she didnt...lol @serenity glad you got the point tatts really is a good lady and you will know this if you follow her
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serenity33 says:Posted: 16 Aug 10
Way to go Indyval!! I hope your interracial dating experience turns out for the best and that your love for each other will blossom.:-) Regards, Joseph Moyer
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Scoff/Sarah says:Posted: 16 Aug 10
Thank you gentlemen, Sarah plans on posting the last part of our saga sometime this week. I could continue, but I think she does a much better job than I could. Again Thank you gentlemen Blessings to all Scoff
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dannyco56 says:Posted: 15 Aug 10@Scoff/Sarah Sorry Scoff for going off topic, but I felt the need. I have not posted on this thread for awhile but felt the need this one time to go off topic with my post to make a point. I will leave the thread to you and Sarah to finish your wonderful story and for the ones who have been posting on the blog and on topic. God Bless Danny
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Indyval says:Posted: 15 Aug 10
I have moved to a location where there are more liberal viewpoints in terms of interracial dating (especially in the conservative Midwest). There are also less single, black men of equal social standing, and financial status that are available for me to date here. I recently met an attractive, personable older white gentleman. I have always wanted to explore the option of dating outside my race, but the city I was born and raised in is still very segregated in terms of demographics and attitudes. He has been courteous,patient, respectful and kind.He has not pressured me for any physical contact-have only hugged when parting company -I have known him for a little over 3 months.We talk on the phone for hours and he can hold a great conversation as well.I say.. love is where you find it..don't limit your thinking and you may find what you are seeking in a very unlikely place.Everyone wants to be loved and appreciated..not color restrictive.
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Scoff/Sarah says:Posted: 15 Aug 10
How in the H--- did we get to a religionous blog from and inter-racial corss culture blog. I think maybe this is the only place those that want to discuss religion can find space. So please gentleman & ladies check the title of this blog, true religion is very important in my live, however it is personal, in that I share my thoughts about it at the proper time and place. Now please stick to the subject matter that is intended to be---- WHY WHITE MEN LOVE BLACK WOMEN. Love to all Scoff....
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quirky1984 says:Posted: 15 Aug 10
Hi I'm new to this site but wanted to say that this topic has been more fun to read then watching an episode of Supernatural! If one to go off topic this is certainly one of the more interesting topics to diverged to.
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John8870 says:Posted: 15 Aug 10
Thank you, tatted girl. I once read that ignorance is a lack of knowledge and can be remedied by learning but stupidity is a refusal to learn. I'm not going to argue with that person. I will just return to lurking until Sarah and Scoff finish their story and then I'll be gone. He refuses to see that his sheepskin is his golden calf. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me". Best to you all. John the southern baptist.
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Newawlunzguy says:Posted: 15 Aug 10
There should be a moderator who has the ability to delete the posts that aren't relative to the blog topic: IR Dating and cross-cultural attraction. I'd very much enjoy removing the idiots, and we all know who they are, who now inhabit this blog.
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Newawlunzguy says:Posted: 15 Aug 10
@looking4life - I'm here lurking. Since the inception of the "less desirables" who now frequent this blog, I've simply been hibernating awaiting a return to the subject matter for which this post topic is named. Seems all we have are numbnutz who feel a need to publish their lunatic ideologies. But I'm here... in the shadows.
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looking4life says:Posted: 15 Aug 10
serenity, you are a schmuck no-one cares about your beliefs. the point is that you are continually getting so far off topic you are ridiculous. that amount of posts and length of your posts tells me you dont have a lot of freinds. you may want to try a little thought into why that is. one thing you are correct about is that this is an interracial site for people trying to find happiness with another person, so why are you here, to make others as unhappy as you??? nawl where have you gone??? tatt your right.
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serenity33 says:Posted: 15 Aug 10
You are right. It is true. Love at first site does not happen. It is lust at first site as there is no real way of understanding the personality of the person at first glance when your hormones are treating them as a piece of sexual meat. Two, there are always going to be men and women that are counter cultural and it isn't just the media that indoctrinates us into thinking what is attractive and what is not, there is personal association which can be totally countercultural. And our culture is so diverse that there are plenty of Black female and Black movie stars that are portrayed as being beautiful and sexy like Halle Berry and tons of female musicians and artists. So those men and women who go after Blacks when they are white just choose to follow that portion of what society says and go with that so it isn't that countercultural all the way to find them attractive if you aren't Black yourself. Third, there is no such thing as THE Seminary. There are Seminaries of all types and I stated some place that my brand of Christianity has few Seminaries in general and there is only one on the East Coast. And everyone is free to interpret Christianity depending on the multitude of different Seminaries they happen to attend. And why are they different? Why are their so many different views on all the major religions? Buddhism has Mahayana and Theravada Buddhism and tons more of them. The Muslims have countless types of Muslims from the Koran and are very different from each other. Jews have tons of different types of Judaism from the Torah. And so and and so forth. So why are all great religions divided? People still ponder that to this day. I have my theories but that has nothing to do with this blog and would take too long to explain. And as far as who draws the line and makes that judgment, each person is free to make their own judgment on which one they think it correct. I simply point out some of the more contiguous ideas in Christianity as well as some of the one's more unique like my brand of Christianity. Morality is a theme that runs through almost all religions so that is a safe one to bring up in a discussion. That is the one thing that almost all of them have in common except for the extremists like you mentioned. I get along fine with an African Shaman named Moon on these blogs and look up to her in many ways and she is African and black and is a universal spiritualist but she has love in her heart that is pure. So we get along excellently despite the fact that our religions are different. So if people on this blog had pure intentions like her, we could all stick to the topic and help out those who really do care about the topic and aren't getting bogged down in petty disputes. Tattoed2death has a history of hatred towards me so don't be drawn into her personal vendetta. Try and stay more detached and if we get on a blog about religion and why it diversifies, then I will answer more questions about that for you. I feel sorry for her but there is no pleasing her so don't get sucked in. I have my theories about that too as a counselor and individual versed in psychology but I won't get into it because again, it has nothing to do with this topic. So go ask your local pastor, Jewish Rabbi or Muslim leader or whoever about those questions because I am not here to defend all those different positions. I am here to give counsel and guidance in my field of expertise which is morality, psychology, pastoral marriage and relationship counseling. God will let us know when we die, who was actually right. Be patient. We all will find out someday who is ultimately right unless immortality on this earth is perfected.;-) Joseph Moyer
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markinnnh says:Posted: 15 Aug 10
Ok I have a few comments as well as a few questions: previously I was told that attractions are based on how our world around us says what is or is not beautiful: If this is true (totally) Then does this mean that love at first site can not happen? also can you explain why as many other men I fell in love with a black woman even though it is perceived as wrong even in this world and times? Next on the agenda: If the seminary is so right and correct then explain why there are so many differences in the Christian faith and its many different churches? How can so many comprehend the Bible yet be so diversified in what it all means? If ten random people read the same verses and books from the Bible and wrote what they thought it to mean and they all have a different perspective on it then how can anyone be right or wrong? As I said before I am trying to learn as well as understand. I am not trying to invoke anger. The KKK claimed for years to be doing a "Christian" thing as did Mafia and yet we all know it to be lies. so who draws that line who makes that judgment?
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serenity33 says:Posted: 15 Aug 10
Dear John, I never, have ever been a sidewalk preacher.;-) And I don't believe that a person needs to be educated to enter the kingdom of God. I was merely defending myself against those who attacked me who DIDN'T have my education nor experience to attack Christianity. I never said anything about them not getting into the kingdom of God. I was just holding them accountable for their words and the behavior their words imply. Plus since my brand of Christianity is so different, you would never see anyone from my brand on the street corner preaching anyway.;-) But since it is different, it is much more obscure and I was also telling them that they should have my understanding of my branch of obscure Christianity before attacking me which is even harder unless you go to a Seminary which teaches my brand of Christianity. There is only ONE on the East Coast. And other brands of Christianity don't really talk about mine because they martyred thousands of my type since the reformation. So unless they get knowledge of my type of Christianity, they shouldn't be attacking me when they don't know what they are talking about. I don't attack people over mechanical things or mathematical or even business or marketing things or graphic design and the list goes on and on since I know nothing about these things. But if they try and attack my specific type of Christianity especially when they haven't studied at the one Seminary on the East Coast that teaches it, I will make sure it gets represented properly. Plus since I have studied psychology and sociology extensively and look at professional studies from brilliant men and women all over the world who get them published in psyche abstracts(which is incredibly hard to do since I was once best friends with the Head Editor and he is incredibly brilliant) I will defend things I have learned based on real psychology and not pop psychology or no psychology at all which just often based on one's own personal experience. Believe me when I first started studying the different studies in the psyche abstracts, I had a lot of my own personal experiences shattered as examples of the way things were and had to come to grips that I was wrong and that they were just my own personal experiences that differed from the norm. So chill out and I suggest you ignore me if it bothers you because you are make tons of wrong assumptions that you know nothing about when it comes to me. And I honestly hope that all individuals get into heaven and don't know if they will or not. I am not God. I am just holding them accountable for their actions and words, not their ultimate fate in heaven or hell. Only God knows that. Sorry to disappoint you.;-) Joseph Moyer
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serenity33 says:Posted: 15 Aug 10
@sternandbeautiful, I trust you judgment when you say his at looking at other women because since he is older, he is still very visual based no doubt in his development so he probably is looking at other women. If you are old-fashioned the way you developed, you may be more touched based which allows you to overcome your looks based mentality and overlook his looks based on touch and emotions and positive associations you have built up about him. In an ideal relationship, both parties have developed to the point where each other are the most attractive due to positive associations built up by deeper interactions with each other. Sadly enough though by both parties(even women as they become more visually based like more modern women which is a bad thing) there is a tendency for men and women to store images of other men and women in their mind for when they have sex so they fantasize about people they have seen but not slept with and they do that for variation in the bedroom. And it isn't a reflection of how attractive the person is but the human tendency to get bored by what they have already had. That's why so many people need to resort to more exotic sexual measures and/or lingerie which plays a mental tease game, in order to spice of their sex lives. None of this is necessary if the couple is deeply and truly in love with the person they are with because they will have built enough positive associations from deeper interactions to find each other attractive no matter what so they can do the same old thing without it getting old. But for people who haven't both come to that level of growth and intimacy psychologically, the grass is always greener on the other side even if a third party was involved to assess which of the two grasses were greener and they assessed that the person involved was already in the greenest grass and the grass WASN'T greener on the other side. I.E. He may be checking out women he hasn't had that aren't as attractive as you. Funny that I should be defending this position because I am sure I am probably the least handsome guy on here and that Anthony is much better looking than me and I have been with six attractive females seriously who all cheated on me and left me for someone better looking. But I still trust your instincts when you saying he is checking out other women because all the women I was with were checking out other guys(especially to cheat with) so I know how that feels. So I still suggest you go to counseling and confront him with a third party and do the suggestions I suggested in my earlier blogs to try and deepen your relationship to the point where he no longer has the desire to check out other women but only has eyes for you. I was visually faithful to all six women I was with besides physically faithful and i wasn't even married to them. They just weren't ready or willing to put the effort to take our relationship to that deeper level that I have seen in my parents over many years. But I do agree with Anthony that you should also see him from a deeper perspective and not the perspective of society and feel you have compromised on his looks and physical appearance. That leaves you vulnerable for him to say that he compromised on you as far as financial status(relative to him) or personality quality. You statement about his looks and your compromise is not one that I would bring up to a counselor because then your husband would gain the sympathy of the counselor over you and may end up biased towards you and for him when they are supposed to confront problems on both sides from both parties involved equally. So be careful but get some help for the both of you to deepen your relationship because just because you might be technically functional as a couple doesn't mean there aren't problems and/or deeper levels you can reach in closeness as a couple. Regards, Joseph Moyer
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looking4life says:Posted: 15 Aug 10
@sternandbeautiful sorry i am a bit late on this but a certain amount of what you are speaking about may just be what you are seeing. some peple just look. maybe you are only noticing him looking at women or minority women. not noticing when he looks at the old man crossing the road, the dog peeing on the flowers or the squirrel running up the tree. i may be wrong but some men have selective hearing as my grandma used to say...lol and some women selectively focus in on other things such as their man looking at another woman. he may just look at everything but you notice looks towards women. it sounds like you may have shamed him over something normal and sub-conscious. i do not know you or him or the full dynamics of the situation so my thoughts are speculative but you have shamed him as noted by your reference "he puts his head down" which tells you his actions were totally unintentional. i also worry about the long term of your relationship when you felt it necessary to state " i am the one who compromised on his looks and physical appearance" i am astounded by that statement. i desperately hope for his sake that statement was not meant to sound that way and i hope that you honestly and truly love him for all that he is. i myself am not exactly brad pitt, tom cruise or denzel but i would be very ashamed to have a woman that saw me in that light. no one wants to be made to feel inferior, in any way, we all have our own insecurities. i know we all have our own ideas of whats attractive and our own preferences and never apologize for your preferences. on a different spin instead of shaming him let him know that YOU love him very much every time you see him look as well pay closer attention to see if he looks at anything other than women. sincerely anthony
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John8870 says:Posted: 14 Aug 10
Pardon me. I have been a lurker, coming back to get the complete Scoff/Sarah story but I just had to register to make a comment. I used to work downtown. At lunchtime I simply needed to leave my office and I had a huge selection of places to eat. To walk to many of them I had to walk through the central plaza. It seemed there were always "sidewalk preachers" delivering the message to a flock of pigeons on each corner of the plaza. I think you people have attracted a sidewalk preacher. If I get his message correctly, he is very much tied up in his own education, perceives everyone here as being beneath him, and he believes everyone must have a college degree to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Sir, you are full of your own ego. The old time idiom, "You can lead a horse to water, but, you can't make him drink" is something you should contemplate. And, you should leave your computer alone and look to yourself before you face St. Peter to find yourself turned away. Go back to study your Bible again and then contemplate the kind of minister you are. And remember, because you are a man of God, you will be more strongly judged than the rest of us uneducated lowlifes.
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serenity33 says:Posted: 14 Aug 10
If you don't know what real morality is, than I wouldn't question it because it varies according to person and also type of Christian. I will give the same advice that I gave the other person. Go to Seminary first and learn from many people and read many, many books on Christianity and write tons of research papers like I did. Then you can lecture me on what morality is. Like I said, I don't comment on areas I don't know but these two areas, Psychology and Christianity, especially my branch which is different from mainstream Christianity so I feel I can safely speak about both of them with great accuracy. So don't make generalizations about morality or pastors when you don't know what you are talking about because there are hundreds of different types of pastors and preachers and other religious leaders so don't make the assumption that I am a pew pastor because you are wrong. Again, stick to what you really know about and what you have studied for many years like I have and then there won't be any problems. Again, just come clean with your basic views no matter how shallow they are and be honest rather than trying to rationalize them. Those are the people I admire, not the one's who try and justify their shallowness and say it isn't shallow or not their faults. Again you need to understand real Christianity and the Bible to understand the concept of accountability which is totally Biblical. I am not saying who is going to heaven or hell. Only God and Jesus do that but Paul tells us in the New Testament to hold each other accountable for our shallowness. So understand the Bible first before you start talking about it as if you know it well. Don't make generalizations about things you haven't researched deeply like I have. Speak about your area of expertise and save yourself some troubles. Do like tattoedtodeath and just ignore me. Joseph Moyer
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serenity33 says:Posted: 14 Aug 10
Again it is your association with fitness that makes you attracted to fit women. But if you evolve past the point of being looks conscious at all, then you will have grown and become more enlightened. Plus you are quoting one person from Maine and I am quoting psych abstracts of studies that have been done all over the world by the best psychologists in the world. So you need to expand your horizons. My degree is in Psychology so I had to read tons of abstracts and learn about hundreds of studies. You need to do more research to realize that looks are totally associational and shallow. Studies show that a common personality type that is compatible is more important than how a person looks. You then develop positive associations with the person based on their personality and then you find them sexually attractive as your psyche adjusts itself to their body form. That is the power of association and what separates us from those who are too lazy to break away from the random associations that we have built up from society or our own random experiences. We can exercise our free will to grow. Relationships based on sexual attraction first have the highest divorce rate and the highest rate of infidelity so it is better to go by personality if you want a serious relationship to work. So I would get a degree in psychology before you try to argue psychology with someone with a degree. Same thing about Christianity and the writing of the Bible. Go to Seminary first to find out because it is an incredibly complex process that validated the Bible that hundreds of papers have been written about all through the ages so unless you study that at the graduate level like I did, you won't learn it from the streets. I don't profess to be knowledgeable in other areas like computers or mechanics or physics but I know quite well what I have my degrees in. So I suggest you go and get those degrees first and don't rely on a single person's viewpoint to rationalize you own shallowness. Just be honest about your shallowness like many other people are and don't try to come up smelling like a rose and act like you have no control over your actions. Free will is a wonderful thing once you realize you have it. You should try it sometime. Plus get your information from psych abstracts and the thousands of books on Christianity before you make generalizations. Joseph Moyer
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markinnnh says:Posted: 13 Aug 10
By the way just because someone went to school does not make them an expert, just as anyone can write and publish a book even if everything in the book is wrong or unproven. As for what I said about attraction: An instructor at the University of Maine told the class that. He also said that because someone is not attracted to someone of the opposite sex because he/she is overweight does not make that someone shallow. If it did then who's to say if a non gay person is not attracted to a gay person wouldn't that person be shallow in the same sense? His point was well thought out and I tend to agree BUT I also agree with your point as far as what we consider beautiful is due to what we are taught both directly and indirectly. But at the same time I am into fitness and have been for years so why would I be attracted to someone that appears unhealthy. I do not wish to argue with you or anyone but these types of discussions I welcome as long as no anger is involved. I am now and will always be a student of the world. Thank You, Mark
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markinnnh says:Posted: 13 Aug 10
Wow first of all I never said anything negative about the morals I said the Bible is where morals in society came from. As for Christianity I simply said a fact and that fact is that the Bible has been rewritten a number of times. The old testament is very much factual its the new testament however that I feel indifferent about. I never downed anyone or there beliefs. I personally feel there are so many different beliefs that who can honestly say they are right or even wrong? For me I pray to one God and no one else- As I was taught in The Military KISS which means keep it simple stupid, and no I was not calling anyone stupid. But I thank you for commenting I love to learn.
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markinnnh says:Posted: 13 Aug 10
Ok I wish to say a few things here but please understand that this is my opinion and not totally based on science. First thing is this: My grandfather and grandmother were married till death do them part and my grandfather always told us there is a lot of beauty in the world enjoy it that's what we have eyes for. secondly while in college I took courses on human sexuality and one thing I learned is that we all have a biological roadmap so to speak that tells us what to look for in a mate as we age this changes because we grow past the desire to have children and such. What this means is some like big breasts, some like petite, etc. etc. Now not to cut down on the Christian beliefs but remember one FACT! the Bible has been rewritten so many times by rich and powerful people to try to control the lower classes of people. Now what I mean is the Bible is a great book full of great ideas and rules and morals and there is no other like it. I will leave it at that I have no desire to push my beliefs onto others
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serenity33 says:Posted: 13 Aug 10
You are welcome and again I apologize for not reading you were married. I had one couple that I was counseling today that was still on my mind. They were married but both had sex with other people before they were married and she had three illegitimate kids that they were both raising. They also had sex with each other before marriage so they had nothing to look forward to when they were married. They weren't Christians so marriage was just a formality to them as well. Well, she got drunk one night when she without with some of her single easy friends and she also had a previous problem of checking other men out even though she was married so she was cheating in her mind. I guess she wasn't used to being faithful in her mind since she had so much sex while not married long before she met her future husband so the idea of faithfulness in mind was still new to her. Well while out with said friends, she cheated on her husband who was always faithful to her although he could have been cheating mentally as well but they never brought that up and she was the one who did the actual physical cheating. Now he is really, really hurt and it looks like it may end up in divorce and he was a great father to those three kids even though they weren't his own so the kids would really lose out as well finally finding a good father. So I am wracking my brain trying to figure out how to keep this couple together and not get divorced and not deprive these kids of a good father. So I guess I have marriage on the brain besides my parents anniversary. So sorry again for not factoring in that you were married. Regards, Joseph Moyer
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sternandbeautiful says:Posted: 13 Aug 10
Thanks guys! Your words of wisdom is greatly appreciated.
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serenity33 says:Posted: 13 Aug 10
Oops, my bad. You are married. Well then forget about all the stuff I said about marriage and just go to a marriage counselor than a couple's counselor and I am sure you will be all right.:-) Sorry for not looking closer. My fault and I apologize.:-) Joseph Moyer
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serenity33 says:Posted: 13 Aug 10
Sternandbeautiful-I hate to break it to you but as a Pastoral marriage counselor, your man's heart isn't as golden as you think it is. What you man is doing is cheating in his heart. Many men and women think that as long as they look and don't touch, that it is okay to lust after the opposite sex. Well as a person is in his mind, so he is in his heart and if it starts to sprout in his heart and mind, then it will grow and if it grows long enough, it will give rise to infidelity because most people think the grass is always greener on the other side without knowing once they got their, that their own grass was better but it is too late now. First thing, are you two married? If not, then the bond of commitment isn't there to convict him because a solid marriage commitment is worth more than its weight in gold. That commitment causes the person who is prone to mentally cheating to see that they are starting to do something wrong if they truly love who they are married to. Second thing, do the two of you communicate constantly and communicate your deepest desires or thoughts? If you are busy trying to figure out your spouses way of thinking and trying to know them better and better, you don't have time for cheating. You are focused on your spouse because people are very complex and hopefully growing more and more so you can never totally figure them out so if you are both engaged in that activity, then he won't have time for cheating mentally. Third, do you have commonality of goals and interests? If you combine getting to know each other intimately in their personality and combine that with sharing common goals and interests, you are too busy sharing common things that you love with each other to cheat mentally. Plus if you do all this, you build up such a close bond that you couldn't even conceive of cheating on the other person mentally. My parents just celebrated their 56 wedding anniversary today. They never cheated even mentally because they did all the things I mentioned above. They are still trying to understand each other on a deeper level, appreciate what they have in each other and how special it is, and have shared commonality of goals and interests over the years. They also waited until they were married to have sex which really helps to bind two people together psychologically because a bond is created with your first one if it is sex is done after marriage. And their love of helping others and their commonality of Christianity and their love of me and my two brothers kept them focused on family so they never had time to cheat even mentally if they wanted to. And they are still sexually active at their age with each other. Our family is very close and that helps keep them together as well as their faith. And they are helping out people younger than them still to this day. So they are living proof of what I say is true. My relationships failed because I couldn't get my girlfriends or at the beginning, fiancee into my interests. They weren't into Christianity and wanted sex before marriage and they didn't care to know me past a certain point and got tired of me asking questions that would have brought us closer together. I was always faithful to them in heart and mind as well as action but they first cheated in their heart and then in physically and then they left. All of them have ended up divorced from who they left me for because they didn't learn what I was trying to teach them about relationships. They said it was too much work. But as my parents can attest to, it is worth all the work and nothing worthwhile in this life is easy but will always be a lot of work and in the case of relationships, a lifetime of work. So I suggest you go to a couples counselor about your problem and tell that person about your problem and they will say at least close to what I am saying. If you go to a non-Christian one, they won't emphasize marriage or Christianity most likely but at least the other advise will be the same. Go get help before it is too late if you really want the relationship to work. Sincerely, Joseph Moyer
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friendly13 says:Posted: 13 Aug 10
@ sternandbeautiful First I want to congratulate you on your marriage. My ideas can sometimes be controversial...so please do not misunderstand. My heart goes out to you and I understand how you feel. With that said....it sounds like you husband is infatuated with the beauty of blackwomen. I could only speculate that his happiness in actuay having you makes him stare at them all the more. Realistically, Marriage doesn't stop people from admiring beauty, enjoying te smell of fragrance, or even finding others attractive...the only difference is that some people excercise more restraint and control than others. I would be more worried if he were sneaky about it...hen he does this turn it into a playful way to remind him that e already has one at home...then take him home and remind him again in a very memorable way....see your man as the sexiest man on earth...he may since that you don't find him attractive...this insecurity of is may cause him to ponder if other women might find him attractive or notice him..of course this is mere speculation...I wish you the best.
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sternandbeautiful says:Posted: 12 Aug 10
My delimma is I'm married to a white European. Firstly he's 15 years older than me, secondly he's not the average guy I would date in regards to his looks, but he has a heart of gold and loves me for who I am, not just for my appearance. Yet, I find that since we've been together he has this most annoying problem with keeping his eyes from staring at other attractive ethnic women. He naturally has big eyes and widens them when he speaks or looks at something and tends to stare a lot without knowing it. I've pulled him aside many times in public or have just made comments that got him to stop immediately. Now whenever we're together and we are passing an attractive ethnic woman, he'll put his head down, but my concern is why does he even care so much...I don't get it...I'm the one that compromised with his looks and physical appearance! So why the bloody hell does he behave as though I haven't? Can someone please help me understand this?
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Thanks Mark, It is a very nice story! :)